that bitch : phyllo dough and some pistachio honey rolls

Did you know that Justin Bieber makes more than 10x his girlfriend Selena Gomez? Did you know that Stacy Keibler (whatever happened to i before e?) visited George Clooney in Lake Como this summer and that their relationship is still a “are they? or aren’t they?” status? I know these things. I know these things because I was watching E! News on the couch yesterday afternoon while shelling pistachios.

SHELLING 2 CUPS OF PISTACHIOS I’ll have you know. I couldn’t find any shelled pistachios here in Worcester, but I bet Ed Hyder’s has them. Dammit. I should’ve looked there when I found the only cedar planks for grilling available in Worcester. What would this city do without Ed’s I ask of you!? What.would.we.do?!

At the request demand of my dear friend who is visiting Boston this week from New York and who I will see tonight at the Russell House Tavern for dinner (I’m dying to have their soft poached eggs!), I made the Pistachio Honey Rolls from Small Sweet Treats.

These are so effing good. They are like a non-Greek version of Baklava.

Here is some advice though:

1) Try to find shelled pistachios, otherwise you will find yourself in the trap of E! News while shelling and numbing your thumbs. It only took about 25 minutes to shell 2 cups worth, but still. Time is so valuable and I’d rather watch E! News completely, void of any distractions and busy work. Admit it. You’re the same way.

2) Phyllo dough (or fillo) can be really bitchy. I mean, really, really bitchy. If you’ve never worked with Phyllo before, it’s ok. You will learn quickly how bitchy it can be. You have to work quickly so as not to dry out the dough. And it’s very, very fragile. When I was baking these yesterday, I kept tearing the sheets. Dammit! But, in addition to being bitchy, Phyllo dough is also very forgiving. No one will ever be able to tell where you tore the sheets. Phyllo dough comes in 2 rolls per package,similar to how puff pastry comes 2 sheets per package. If you completely eff up one roll, you’ll still have the other to work with as this recipe calls for the use of just one roll.

Bitchy, yet forgiving? Phyllo dough is essentially like your pain in the ass dog {and by dog, I mean cat, may Claudette rest in peace} that you just can’t help but love to death.

Speaking of puff pastry, you can typically find Phyllo dough RIGHT NEXT TO THE PUFF PASTRY in the freezer section of your grocery store.

I just shoved four of these rolls into my face. So much for starving myself today to enjoy the soft poached eggs tonight. I just hope I have some Pistachio Honey Rolls left to give to Meg tonight too, as she was the one who MADE ME make these.

These are the perfect sweet to bring along to a party or gathering when someone asks you to bring something, whether it’s a meeting in the morning over coffee or a McGruff-tastic neighborhood crime watch meeting* at night.

*Do these even exist anymore?

pistachio honey rolls (page 35, Small Sweet Treats)

Exotic flavors of honey, pistachios, and cinnamon combine to form a diminutive bite of crunchiness. These do take some time to assemble, but are so worth the final product. When working with phyllo dough, have a damp dish towel handy and work quickly to prevent the dough from drying out. It’s a delicate dough, so take care in handling.

2 cups shelled pistachio nuts

1/2cup sugar

1/2  teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon finely grated orange zest

16 sheets phyllo dough, rolled out and kept covered with a damp towel

4 tablespoons butter, melted

1/2  cup honey, warmed

Place the nuts, sugar, cinnamon, and orange zest in a food processor and grind until nuts are finely chopped. Transfer to a bowl.

Place a sheet of phyllo dough on a work surface. Keep the remaining sheets covered with a damp towel after each sheet is used. Brush the sheet of phyllo with butter, top with another sheet of phyllo and brush with more butter.

Lightly spread the sheet of phyllo with some of the nut mixture.

Cut the phyllo into four strips lengthwise. {NOTE: I personally found it easer to roll up the whole sheet, then cut into four rolls. But that’s just me.} Roll up each strip, starting at the bottom, and place on a Silpat- or parchment-lined baking sheet, seam side down. Continue with remaining 14 sheets of phyllo and nut filling. Bake on the middle rack of a preheated 375-degree-F oven for 15 minutes. While still warm, drizzle with honey. Allow to cool completely before serving.

Makes 32 rolls.